in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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