I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
