Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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