While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
