Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
