the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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