IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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