Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
