I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
