she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
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