Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize