Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
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basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
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Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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