So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Randomize
