Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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