Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
