we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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