she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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