I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
