Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
my liver is dry heaving
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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