wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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