i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
