he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
