Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
