based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
