He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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