So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
