you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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