The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
