I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
