question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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