Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
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The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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