I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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