i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
