I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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