I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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