What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
