Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
