I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
