people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You're like the curious george of whores
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize