woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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