I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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