Jerry, you need to find god
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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