Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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