If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
