I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
did you just send me my own nude
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
