new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
