Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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