even my farts smell like vagina
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
