A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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