dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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