I take back everything I said about communal showers
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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