Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
