I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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