I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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