now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
