Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I wear drunk well.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
