i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
