do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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