If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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