Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
