if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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