How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
