my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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