I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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