Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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