We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
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Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
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Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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