Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
