I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
