I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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