am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
