yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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