I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
