If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
