I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
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