I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
