Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
