I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
